


Believe in Yourself and you are Halfway There

by VanityNaylor



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-16 14:37:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14813271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanityNaylor/pseuds/VanityNaylor
Summary: What started out as a one shot has progressed into what I believe is a description of scenes that definitely happened, there just wasn't a camera present to capture them for us. Enjoy!





	1. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the episode on the 31st May.

Vanessa had been putting Johnny to bed when she heard the familiar rattle of keys in her front door. She surreptitiously skipped over the last few insignificant pages in the bed time story she was reading, paraphrasing the ending as best she could. She needn’t have worried however, as Johnny’s eyes had been drooping from the moment his head had hit his pillow. Nursery had wiped him out, and for that Vanessa was grateful. She loved her son dearly, but his day had been sufficiently less dramatic than her own, and she knew Charity would need all the support Vanessa could offer this evening. She placed a soft kiss on the crown of her son’s head and slipped out of his bedroom. Her own door was ajar, meaning Charity had made her way upstairs, so Vanessa wasted no time in entering the master bedroom.

‘Charity?’  
The room was dimly lit by her bedside lamp, illuminating the woman sat with her back against the headboard. Her blonde hair framing the face tracked with tear marks; betraying any mask Charity had aimed to put on when she heard the door creak open.  
Vanessa closed the door behind her, and moved to mirror the position of her girlfriend, hands clasped around her knees. Her eyes wandered, surveying the room with a small smile settling on her lips. In the months they had been officially together Vanessa’s bedroom had become littered with Charity’s possessions. A curling wand sat on her vanity, a make-up bag resting next to it, full of products that did not belong to Vanessa. The chair in the corner of her room was covered in clothes Vanessa regarded as far too business like for her own wardrobe, and hanging behind the door was a purple silk dressing gown. It was a testament to how close the pair had become, and Vanessa knew Charity’s room was scattered with her own belongings too. It had got to the point where Chas had even allocated Vanessa her own shelf in the upstairs bathroom because she was fed up of the clutter. Vanessa turned to look at Charity, the smile being replaced with a furrowed brow, trepidation visible in her eyes. Charity was staring directly ahead, shoulders shaking slightly. It was only when she spoke that Vanessa realised Charity was shaking with silent laughter.  
‘Do you know what’s funny?’  
‘What?’  
‘Well, I mean funny in a sick sort of twisted way.’ Charity inclined her head pressing her lips together, shifting to face Vanessa. ‘I drank my way through that pregnancy, thought I had as good as killed my boy, yet he’s alive and kicking.’  
‘I’m not sure I follow…’ Vanessa turned to lean on her left hip facing Charity, a clear look of confusion lining her face.  
‘I was probably the worst expectant mother going, and my baby lived. Chas has done nothing but worry about her little bundle of joy, eating the right things – when she can at least – avoiding any heavy lifting leaving muggins here to do all the hard grafting. Yet her baby - Paddy’s baby, is probably going to die. How is that fair?’  
‘Wait what?’  
‘Apparently the scan didn’t go very well… Their little girl is already fighting the odds without any outside influence.’  
‘Oh Charity…’ Vanessa reached out to squeeze Charity’s shoulder, leaving her hand there. She could see the internal battle Charity was fighting.  
‘What am I supposed to say to her now? How am I supposed to face her?’ 

Charity looked so worn out, her face lined with the emotional exhaustion of the last few days. It took all Vanessa’s willpower to not reach over and try to kiss away all the traces of worry and hurt.  
‘Charity you were 14.’  
‘So? I was in control of another person. I knew I was. I’d been there before. I was so sure he wasn’t going to survive in the world I was living in so I tried to stop him entering it in the first place. I’m such a rubbish mum I couldn’t even protect him from that. I left him there. 27 years later it doesn’t matter that I thought he was dead. I left him and that’s that. I left my baby to face everything alone. I did exactly what my Dad did to me, just 13 years earlier than he did.’ Tears pooled in her eyes as she shook her head, her voice full of self-loathing. She had balled her hands into fists, as she laid her head back against the head board, trying to blink away the tears.  
‘Charity look at me.’ Vanessa’s tone was quiet and calm. Her hands moved to rest on the clenched fists, as she repeated herself. ‘Charity look at me.’ Vanessa moved to sit on her knees as Charity’s eyes moved to meet her own.  
‘No 14 year old should have faced that alone. You were put in a situation that most people, including myself, would find unthinkable. You were a scared vulnerable child. You were forced into adulthood way before you should have been and what happened back then was not your fault.’ Vanessa reached her right hand to wipe away the stray tears falling as she continued. ‘Chas has family and friends here ready to support her. Help her through this. You had no one back then. You had no choice. Look how strong you are now, how ready you are to face whatever gets thrown at you. That strength is what Chas is going to look for in you, and it is something you can provide without even thinking about. You just have to be there for her. That’ll be enough.’  
Charity wanted to believe her. She really did. Vanessa believed in her. The sincerity in her eyes proved that. Charity always marvelled at how easily Vanessa’s eyes could bore into her and see through any masks she may build. She found herself nodding along, to what Vanessa was saying.  
‘You are strong Charity. The strongest person I know. Plus, even if you need time every now and then to sit and come to terms with things, well that’s what I’m here for isn’t it?’  
‘Yeah?’ Charity breathed.  
‘Yeah. Team captain of the Charity Dingle cheerleading squad here.’ Vanessa smiled when she heard the bark of laughter escape Charity’s lips. ‘Bed time?’ She asked, when the laugh turned into a wide yawn. Charity nodded and silently rose from the bed, reaching under the pillow to find her night shirt.  


‘So this cheerleading squad…’ She questioned.  
‘What about it?’  
‘Who else is in it?’ Charity removed her jacket and top, slipping the large pyjama top over her head.  
‘Well, there’s me.’ Vanessa was mirroring Charity’s actions on the other side of the bed.  
‘Got that babe.’  
‘Johnny… He’s actually got a drawing of you next to his bed. Insisted on saying goodnight to it before he went to sleep… Then there’s Moses, Noah, Debbie oh and of course Tracy… You’re definitely her new hero.’  
‘You’ve got enough for a human pyramid there babe.’ Charity hummed as she climbed under the covers. Vanessa did the same, and held out her arms. Charity slid over in the bed, resting her head on the smaller blonde’s chest, wrapping her arms around Vanessa’s middle.  
‘Are you okay?’ Vanessa asked into the hair of her companion. Charity breathed deeply.  
‘Probably not.’ She replied, eliciting a small chuckle from the owner of the arms locked around her. ‘But give it time, and maybe I will be.’ She felt Vanessa place a kiss to the top of her head as she closed her eyes and settled in to her human cushion.  
‘Well good, because I’ll need at least two weeks to choreograph and teach a bucking up cheer to your squad of supporters.’ Vanessa closed her own eyes and mentally told Charity she loved her. Soon she’d be ready to say the words out loud. Right now she was worried any dramatic confessions of love would send Charity running for the hills; little did she know a similar confession of love had mentally left the taller blonde’s mind too.  
Give it time.


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow on from tonight's episode... 1st June.

‘Thank you for watching Johnny this afternoon.’ Vanessa sank down on her sofa, having just put her son to bed. ‘I know you’ve been pretty distracted and your minds been elsewhere… You probably had ten billion other things to be getting on with but I-’   
‘Babe stop.’ Charity held her finger up in an attempt to shush the rambling vet. ‘Contrary to popular belief I can actually get on with kids providing they don’t wind me up. Johnny is definitely one of the few that doesn’t so we’re a match made in heaven. He was a good distraction in himself actually… Well, him and the team from Paw Patrol.’ Charity watched Vanessa intently as her lips curled upwards in amusement, eyes closed. For a moment Charity was struck by how endearing she looked, hair splayed across the sofa cushion, chest rising and falling in a slow but steady rhythm. She let her mind wander, recounting the past week or so. In all the sadness, the secrets and the shootings one thing had remained constant. Vanessa.

Looking at her girlfriend now she was overcome with a sense of gratitude. Vanessa hadn’t had an easy time of it herself, but she never allowed her own problems to invade Charity’s. It was this thought that caused Charity to pull Vanessa into a long firm hug. One arm securely around her waist, the other in her silk like straight hair, Charity tried to push as many thanks through their connected bodies as she could. Never one for words, Charity was much better at showing how she felt, this being a prime example. She did manage two short words however.

‘Thank you.’   
Vanessa felt Charity’s lips tickle her ear as she relaxed into the embrace. Her own hands were splayed across the landlady’s back, her head turned in to Charity’s neck. She breathed in the familiar scent always associated with Charity. She smelt exactly how Vanessa expected a sophisticated, well-dressed, altogether well rounded woman to smell, and Vanessa marvelled at how much that particular scent now reminded her of home.   
‘What for?’ She mumbled in response.  
‘For just being you. Stubborn, bossy, hot-headed you.’ Charity rocked Vanessa slowly from side to side, feeling the grin widen on her lover’s face. Pulling back from the embrace Charity’s eyes scanned the other woman’s face. ‘How are you?’ Vanessa instantly went to respond, but was interrupted. ‘And before you give me any of that ‘I’m fine’ rubbish, remember the little chat we had about never saying you’re okay when you’re not yeah?’ Adding a boop to the nose for effect, Charity furrowed her brows in wait for a response. 

Vanessa sighed. How was she? She’d barely had time to stop and think about her own feelings lately. Sure, she was certain of her love for those around her, and her need to support them, but how did she feel? She felt her mouth open to respond before her brain caught up.  
‘I’m tired.’ Well, that wasn’t a lie. She was exhausted to tell you the truth. Charity nodded in understanding, and agreement.   
‘Well then. I think we can both muster up enough energy to enjoy a nice relaxing bubble bath before we collapse into bed and enter the land of nod.’  
‘I see your point, but that requires me to move from this sofa and climb the stairs.’ Vanessa’s eyes had closed again, and she had relaxed herself against the taller woman’s side. She growled slightly as she felt the weight beside her shift, and huffed as Charity abandoned her completely.

‘I’ll give you a shout when the bath is ready shall I?’   
‘I suppose.’ Vanessa grumbled, flopping down completely so she was face first into the sofa cushions.   
‘Don’t go to sleep on me kid, you and I could both use the quality relaxation don’t you think…’ Charity emphasised the word quality as ascended the stairs. She first went into the bedroom to gather pyjamas for the pair of them before she entered the bathroom. Their favourite bubble bath was stood on the side of the basin, and after starting the hot tap Charity inhaled the smell of the liquid deeply, vanilla flooding her senses. She poured it in to the already running hot water and then set about lighting some candles. Once she was satisfied with both the candle arrangement and the water depth and temperature she undressed, sliding in to the steaming tub.

‘Babe.’   
Vanessa slowly rose from the sofa at the sound of Charity’s voice, and climbed the mountain of stairs. She followed the smell of vanilla into the dimly lit bathroom and her eyes lit up at the sight of Charity already laid back in the tub, eyes closed. She made quick work of undressing, and pulled her hair up into a high ponytail, securing it with a hair tie she found next to the sink.  
‘Shift up then.’ She said with a wink, and Charity graciously obliged. Vanessa lowered herself into the water, nestling snug in-between Charity’s legs. She sighed as she felt hands secure around her waist and a kiss pressed into the back of her neck. She could feel every muscle in her body relax one by one, helped greatly by the soft circles being rubbed into her stomach. The only thing stopping her purring was the definite comparison Charity would then make between Vanessa and a cat. ‘You know I swear this bubble bath is like magic. I can actually feel myself relaxing bit by bit.’  
‘Alright babe, it’s got nothing to do with the bath time companion then? Maybe I’ll just leave you to it…’ Charity made no move to leave whatsoever, and Vanessa chuckled slightly. ‘What are we reading tonight then?’ Charity asked. It had become routine, that when sharing a bath like this, Vanessa would read whichever novel she was currently working her way through out loud.   
‘I honestly don’t think I can keep my eyes open long enough to focus on a book, sorry.’ Vanessa apologised. ‘Could we maybe just lie here for a bit?’ 

She felt Charity place a kiss to her cheek in response, and the arms around her waist tightened slightly. The sense of comfort and warmth the pair found within each other was a sight to behold, and as Charity began humming an unwritten melody, Vanessa could not imagine a better place to be than where she was currently.   
Home.


	3. Ease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little filler from tonight's episode... 4th June 2018.

Vanessa unloaded the washing machine in hope that it would distract her from her phone. For the last hour and a half she had been checking it non-stop for phone calls or messages. Charity had upped and left without so much as an excuse, as she had been on the phone to her Dad to ask after Johnny. Vanessa sighed as she piled the clothes back into the washing basket to transfer to the tumble dryer. She never presumed being with Charity Dingle would be easy; in some ways she was glad for the spontaneity of the relationship. However, for the most part, particularly on days like this, all she wanted was her girlfriend safe in her house where Vanessa could keep an eye on her. She’d developed a sort of sixth sense when it came to Charity, being able to read the mood of the room and predict when things would go awry. Today had been one of those days, and as she checked her phone for perhaps the thousandth time that day, she couldn’t help but wonder what sort of situation Charity had got herself into this time.

It was a few minutes later as the kettle was boiling that Vanessa’s phone trilled, filling the ever so silent house. In a moment Vanessa had accepted the call, and she held her breath as she placed the phone next to her ear.  
‘Ness.’  
‘Are you okay?’ Vanessa’s question was met with silence. ‘Charity? What happened?’  
‘Nothing! Always presuming something bad has happened. God you’re starting to give me a complex you are.’ Charity’s sarcastic tone was mixed with the unmistakeable sound of a door buzzer being pressed.  
‘Charity. Where are you?’ Vanessa emphasised every word to try and convey her worry down the phone line.  
‘The station…’ A whisper in response.  
‘The station.’ Vanessa pursed her lips as she repeated what she had just heard.  
‘Yeah… And I uh don’t have my car so if you could you know… Pop down and pick me up that’d be great. Thanks babe.’ Charity gave her no chance to respond before she ended the call.

Grumbling to herself about silly girlfriends always assuming she’d come running, Vanessa pulled her shoes on and grabbed her keys. If she stopped to think she’d have realised just how quickly she’d done this. Locking her front door, she hurried down her path and into her car. The police station wasn’t a long journey away, but it still gave Vanessa a chance to think. How had Charity ended up being arrested again? She’d only just recovered from her last ordeal with the officers for Christ’s sake! Before long Vanessa was pulled up in a layby outside the station. She spotted Charity before Charity saw her, and she almost laughed. Perched rather unceremoniously on a blue barrier near the entrance sat her girlfriend. A sour pout adorning her face, arms crossed in front. For a fleeting second Vanessa was distracted by the breeze catching her blonde curls, until she remembered that at this moment in time she was irritated with her girlfriend. She beeped her horn.

Charity’s eyes searched for the source of the noise, and as she located the blue car she hastily made her way over. Climbing in she caught a glimpse of annoyance on Vanessa’s face.  
‘Seatbelt.’ Vanessa stated. Charity silently obeyed the command, and fixed her eyes on the road ahead. Apparently Vanessa wasn’t ready to talk yet. Charity clasped her hands in her lap and began fiddling with her thumbs. A nervous habit Vanessa had noticed early on in their relationship. The dark nail varnish was slowly eroding away, not helped by Charity’s incessant fiddling. A minute into the journey Charity was already going mad from the silence. She switched the radio on in the hope the music would distract her from the silently fuming blonde sat next to her. However, only a second after her hands had returned to her lap Vanessa reached out and switched off the radio. Her hands moved back to the ten and two positions on her steering wheel, gripping a little more tightly than they had previously. Charity then began playing a silent tune on her leg, tapping the invisible piano keys with her nails. Her eyes were still facing forward, but out of her peripheral vision she caught sight of Vanessa shaking her head slightly. 

‘Come on babe. You know I don’t do radio silence.’ Charity gave in. Two minutes of silence from Vanessa was all it had taken.  
‘Yeah well I’m not accustomed to picking up my significant others from the police station but there you go.’ The clear annoyance seeped through her words and settled uneasily in Charity’s stomach.  
‘Didn’t stop you coming though did it?’ Charity smirked. Vanessa huffed, as she shifted the gear stick.  
‘So.’ She finally turned her head to lock eye contact with Charity. ‘Are you going to explain? Or just leave me assuming the worst.’ Charity’s eyes dropped back to her lap.  
‘I may have got a little bit moody with one of the hospital receptionists…’ Charity tried in her most innocent tone. ‘Plus a security guard.’ She added as an afterthought.  
‘And I’m guessing from the sour face you had on outside the station your little escapade wasn’t successful.’ The statement was rhetorical, and Vanessa didn’t even have to look at Charity to know she had rolled her eyes in response. There was a beat of silence.  
‘I reckon they’re all in cahoots you know. The lot of them. That sarky receptionist was shady as anything and then the police wouldn’t tell me a thing either.’  
‘Charity, did you not listen to a word the inspector said earlier? You cannot jeopardise this case by acting rash. I’m really trying here to help you and get justice, but you getting arrested really isn’t helping. You disappear without a word, then two hours later I get a call from you asking for a lift home from the police station. You have got to let them do their jobs. They know what they’re doing.’  
‘What? Like they did 27 years ago yeah? Ness not that much has changed. There’s still a load of pencil pushers sat behind desks trying to do as little as possible to help. Constant excuses of ‘we’ll be in touch’ get tiring after a while. I’m not going to apologise for actively trying to find my son.’ Charity’s eyes widened as she spoke, another tell Vanessa had noticed. Whenever Charity spoke passionately about anything, her eyes would get larger no question. 

 

‘Fine. I’m not asking you to sit back and pretend nothing is going on. Just maybe next time before you go shooting off without so much as a word, talk to me first. If you had, I would’ve come with you. At the very least I’d have stopped you ending up in a cell, and at most my cheery disposition could’ve found us out something useful.’ The corners of Vanessa’s mouth turned up slightly at the last sentence, and Charity knew her Girlfriend’s annoyance was dissipating by the second.  
‘Somehow I doubt that babe.’ She grinned at her chauffeur letting out a deep sigh of relief. ‘Also I wasn’t arrested alright? Just cooperating with the police. Being a good citizen you know.’  
It was Vanessa’s turn to roll her eyes as she turned into the village. She was right. Being with Charity Dingle definitely wasn’t easy. But at least she was never bored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #EmmaWasRobbed  
> #Emma4BestActress2019


	4. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode continuation from today... 6th June 2018.

They were silent.  
The umbrella had been abandoned in favour of the pair seeking comfort in each other. Vanessa still had her arm wrapped possessively around the taller woman’s waist, and her other hand was linked firmly with Charity’s. Their fingers laced, she stroked gently with her thumb in a repetitive motion. She was gradually guiding them over to her car, ignoring the rain slowly soaking the pair of them. They reached the vehicle and Vanessa reluctantly released Charity’s hand to unlock the doors and open the passenger side. She guided her companion into her seat, brushing her hand down the damp arm of Charity’s coat. She slipped in to the driver’s seat and turned the ignition. The radio began blasting some form of what Vanessa could not call music and she hastily reached over and switched the damned thing off.

The journey home was silent.   
Charity was completely still, apart from the tears continuously rolling down her cheeks. There was no thumb twiddling and no glances across at Vanessa. Whenever she could, Vanessa would reach over and place her hand on Charity’s right knee, a silent comfort and show of affection. The rolling fields passed unnoticed by the vehicle’s occupants. They were solely focussed on the conversations that had taken place a few minutes earlier. Vanessa was gutted for her girlfriend. Charity wanted nothing more than to be involved in Ryan’s life, but the heartache and distressing nature of the situation appeared to be too much for the lad. Vanessa could not, and would not, blame Ryan for his reaction. His whole life had been turned on its head in the space of only a few days. Regardless of this, it did not stop her heart from hurting at the sight of the clearly distraught woman sat next to her. There were so many things Vanessa wanted to say, but she knew no words would be able to console Charity right now. She needed the quiet to process. Wordlessly Vanessa stopped the car outside the Woolpack and immediately moved to help Charity out of the car. They entered the pub through the back door and quickly made a beeline for the stairs. They were halfway up; Charity in front, when a voice disturbed the continued silence.

‘Nope. Not a chance. Get back down here right now Missy and into that bar. You cannot keep wandering off like this.’ Chas’ voice was like ice, cutting through the comforting stillness. Charity didn’t hesitate. She continued her ascent of the stairs without even a glance behind her. Vanessa turned slightly to face Chas.  
‘Not now Chas.’  
The annoyance on the landlady’s face dissipated instantly at the genuine tone of Vanessa’s words, paired with the weary expression she was wearing. She nodded sharply before heading out into the bar. The door swung open revealing the buzz of noise one associates with the inner workings of a pub. As it shut, the peace returned. Vanessa took a breath before continuing up the stairs.

She entered the familiar bedroom and felt her chest tighten as she took in the sight before her. Charity looked so small. So lost. So unbelievably sad. The tears that had appeared in Vanessa’s eyes at the sight were quickly blinked away as she moved forward. She slowly removed Charity’s soaked coat, and placed it, along with her own, on the radiator beneath the window. She then drew the curtains. The silence in the room was now accompanied with darkness. She guided Charity towards the bed and sat her down, before moving to the other side. She slid to the head of the bed and reached for Charity’s hand.   
‘Come here.’ Vanessa whispered in a tone that was so quiet she wondered if Charity hadn’t heard her at all. It took a moment for the sound to register in Charity’s mind. In an instant however, she was there. Vanessa pulled her in and wrapped her arms completely around Charity’s shoulders. ‘You know it’s much easier to comfort you when we’re sat down. I’m too small to do this stood up.’ Vanessa gave a watery smile as she kissed the blonde curls. She heard a sniff and felt Charity snake her arms around her stomach, clinging on for dear life. The rain water had seeped its way under their jackets, so they were both a little damp, but neither woman appeared bothered. 

They stayed in this position for hours, neither woman slept, yet not another word was spoken. They drew comfort from the closeness between them both, and Vanessa only hoped this was what Charity needed. The tears stopped gradually, and the heart that Vanessa had felt beating at a rate that was far too fast had returned to normal. Charity’s head was rested on the smaller woman’s chest, and Vanessa could only imagine that listening to the sounds of her own steady pulse had helped calm her down. 

‘I’m sorry.’  
Charity’s head shifted at the words, and she raised her chin to meet Vanessa’s gaze with a questioning expression.  
‘I shouldn’t have pushed you into going to the police station. You didn’t need this.’ Vanessa apologised, shaking her head, with what she could only hope was clear sincerity.   
‘Ness.’ Charity sighed, as she shifted to sit crossed legged in front of her. Their hands linked instinctively. ‘I did need it. You know I did. So did Ryan. He deserved to know the truth.’ She took a breath that hitched slightly. ‘Even if – even if he reacted like he did.’

Vanessa smiled softly in understanding, her shoulders relaxing ever so slightly. She moved her hands up to cup the tear stained cheeks. Drawing Charity in, she placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Gentle, yet loving. Charity moved to rub her nose against Vanessa’s cheek, as her own hands again found their way around Vanessa’s stomach. Charity knew there was no way in hell she would have survived the last month or so without the woman in front of her. Her instinctive reaction to anything regarding her past was to bury her head in the sand, but the sudden reappearance of that man had knocked her for six. She knew, without Vanessa’s constant support she would have broken long ago. She was stronger with Vanessa by her side. The woman was everything Charity needed, clearly evident in the level of comfort she could draw from her, after just a moment together.   
They fit. Making a perfect puzzle between their two individual lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly the content of the past few episodes have been incredible.


	5. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another add on to tonight's episode... 7th June 2018.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this chapter came from the song 'Say it to me Now' from the Once Soundtrack. Give it a listen - lyrics are super relatable I think.

Vanessa had left. She mumbled something about picking Johnny up but Charity wondered if she was just making excuses. She felt sick. It was hard to tell if the nausea was from the alcohol or just her state of despair. Charity didn’t care. That morning when Harriet had called in at Vanessa’s Charity wanted nothing more than to run as far away from the situation as possible, but the presence of Vanessa stopped her. Vanessa had spent the whole night prior holding Charity as she cried for the son she never got to watch grow up. She’d been nothing but supportive over the past however many months, never once blaming Charity. However, the landlady had spiralled today. She drank far too much wine on an empty stomach and did what she does best. Burned bridges and went into self-destruct mode. She didn’t blame Vanessa for making a quick exit. In fact, she somewhat admired it. They both knew that had Vanessa stayed, the chances of Charity snapping and hurting their relationship were high. She respected the vet’s decision to give her space, and marvelled slightly at the way in which Vanessa understood her.

Charity sighed into the empty wine bottle. No more, she thought to herself. She was already full of regret, adding the heart-breaking voicemail to her long list of remorseful actions. She moved to stand and take the empty glass to the kitchen. Wavering slightly, she regained her balance and placed one hand to her forehead trying to soothe the inevitable headache that was appearing.  
‘Hey.’ Chas’ voice was soft.  
‘Hey.’ Charity replied without looking at her companion, heading for the sink instead.  
‘You ok?’  
‘No.’ Charity braced herself against the counter and shook her head. ‘You?’  
‘No.’ Chas replied, sinking into the now empty sofa. ‘Where’s Vanessa?’  
The blonde’s shoulders sagged as she moved to join Chas on the sofa.   
‘She left.’  
‘She cares about you Charity. She really does.’ 

Charity nodded her head in agreement. God, she knew Vanessa cared. The feelings were reciprocated possibly tenfold. Vanessa had been such a constant presence lately, that now after only an hour or so apart, Charity felt all wrong. Incomplete and almost lost.   
‘I need to see her.’ She said with such determination, rising from the sofa, suddenly more energised than ever. She was halfway out the door when Chas stopped her.  
‘You had a visitor earlier, by the way. Some bloke, long hair, baseball cap…’ Chas watched as the little colour drained from Charity’s face. ‘He must’ve changed his mind though, because he didn’t pass through the bar.’   
Charity’s features screwed up in anguish, her fists balled and lent against the doorframe for support.  
‘Charity? What’s happened? Who was he?’  
‘I can’t Chas. I need to – Vanessa… Oh God!’ Charity’s fingers pulled through her blonde locks, tugging in frustration.  
‘Go. Just go.’ Chas gestured with her hand for the other woman to leave. ‘But you and me are going to talk tomorrow. Mark my words there’s things we need to discuss.’ 

Vanessa was trying to keep busy. She’d bathed Johnny and put him to bed, done two loads of washing and was currently on her knees reorganising the toy box in her living room. It was in this position that Tracy found her when she got in.   
‘V?’ She questioned, dropping her bag onto the sofa. ‘What’re you doing?’  
‘Just you know… Tidying.’  
‘Unnecessarily.’ Tracy raised her eyebrows. ‘Where’s Charity? I presumed she’d be here after what Chas said…’   
‘She wasn’t in a great mood so I thought I’d give her a bit of space.’ Vanessa admitted, sitting back on her haunches, looking absolutely miserable.

It was soppy to say it, but Vanessa missed her. They’d been practically inseparable recently, and Vanessa was well aware of how down she felt whenever she wasn’t in the taller blonde’s presence. Sure, she was disappointed in Charity’s behaviour today, but she would have been a pure hypocrite if she’d had an issue with Charity downing too much wine. Pot calling kettle came to mind, as she remembered her own downward spiral after the ketamine debacle. She’d zoned out as Tracy rambled on about Graham and their Dad having some sort of darts match, but came back to it as she recalled what Tracy had said. ‘What did you mean after what Chas said?’  
‘Oh, I just presumed she was out because Chas mentioned some guy had come looking for her.’  
‘Some guy?’ Vanessa stood, anxious. ‘Did she say what he looked like?’ Tracy shrugged.  
‘I don’t think so…’ Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to remember. ‘Think she made some wisecrack about him having way more hair than Paddy, but that’s it.’ At this, Vanessa was out the door.  
‘Watch Johnny for me yeah?’ She yelled behind her, and she sprinted up the path.

Turning into the road she spotted her Charity. She was almost running towards her, relief flashing in her face as she saw the vet. Vanessa ran towards Charity and pulled her into a firm, strong hug. Charity’s arms wrapped tightly around the smaller woman’s shoulders.  
‘He was here Ness.’ She sobbed into Vanessa’s shoulders. ‘He was here.’  
‘I know.’ Vanessa squeezed tighter, turning her head into Charity’s neck. ‘I know.’

‘Why did I do it?’  
‘Because you were scared Charity.’ Vanessa could feel Charity’s breathing getting quicker by the second. ‘Hey.’ She brought her hands up to grip Charity’s jaw. ‘Look at me Charity.’ Vanessa stared into the wide eyes that were swimming in emotion. ‘You were scared. You wanted to protect him from anymore trauma than he’s already had. But we can sort this. I promise you, we can put it right. If you want to that is.’   
‘God I do. I’m such a stupid cow.’ Charity’s breath kept hitching as she listened to Vanessa’s words.  
‘Together. We will sort this, I promise. Charity we can do this.’ Vanessa guided Charity’s cheek to her lips, pressing a soft kiss there. ‘You mean so much to me Charity Dingle. You deserve so much better than the life you had growing up. I want to help you find peace – if you’ll let me.’   
‘I will.’ Charity whispered as Vanessa held on, grounding her.

Charity wasn’t alone in her despair. Vanessa was there. Holding her, soothing her and comforting her like she always did.


End file.
